Pre-marital Family Education

A series of videos entitled “Pre-marital Family Education” was produced by the Family Council.  The package provides engaged couples with comprehensive premarital family education, with tips for a better understanding of marital life, adapting to new roles, getting along with new family members and maintaining good relationships, in order to help engaged couples transit from single life to marital life and lay the foundation of a successful marriage.  The nine episodes of this series of videos entitled “Pre-marital Family Education” include:

Episode 1: “Our Big Day”

Marriage is an oath of love, promising to share the joys and sorrows of each other, and to keep the promise, no matter the circumstances of good or bad, sickness or health. Putting the focus on the details of the wedding will easily make the couples busy with the arrangements and miss the meaning of marriage. In addition to preparing for the wedding, prospective couples should understand the specific content of marriage, reach a consensus with their partners, and be mentally prepared to smoothly transition from "I" to "we" in marriage.

Episode 2: “Super Nanny”

Engaged couples need to be mentally prepared to take up the responsibilities of raising children and not to rely too much on their parents. There needs to be specific and clear guidelines and division of labour between the two generations in terms of raising children, otherwise conflicts can easily arise due to differences in methods and different expectations in their roles. Engaged couples should pay attention to whether the physical strength and health of the elderly parents can bear the responsibilities of raising children. Besides, elderly parents also have their own schedule. Before seeking their help, you should fully communicate with them to understand each other's expectations and reach a consensus.

Episode 3: “One House Cannot have Two Chefs”

If you need to live with your parents, you should carefully examine each other's living habits and consider whether you can adjust and accept each other to avoid friction and affecting the relationship. When engaged couples want to change the decoration and furnishings at home, they need to consider the preferences and feelings of their parents to avoid making them feel insecure. As the mother-in-law, she will inevitably feel uneasy and needs time to sort out her inner feelings and re-adjust her role in the home if she needs to live with her daughter-in-law, so as to smoothly adapt to the change.

Episode 4: “The Other Woman?”

With the popularisation of smartphones and social media, many feelings that were difficult to express verbally in the past can easily be expressed through emotional images. The originally cold text message suddenly became vivid and full of emotions. However, this kind of response can easily lead to misunderstandings, causing friends of the opposite sex to mistakenly think that the other person cares about them all the time. Engaged couples should examine whether the way they interact with the opposite sex is in line with etiquette and the proper boundaries between men and women. If their partners feel insecure, they should discuss on how to respond to each other's needs and enhance mutual trust.

Episode 5: “The Chamberlain”

When there are difficulties in getting along with in-laws, unreasonable tolerance and avoidance to communication will not help establish the relationship but will accumulate resentment and deepen the estrangement. Engaged couples need to pay attention to how their partners are getting along with their parents, and co-ordinate amongst them proactively when necessary to help them get along harmoniously.

Episode 6: “The Best Parents”

The ideal time to have children is after the adapting period of marriage, when the newly-weds can co-ordinate with each other and establishes order in the family. Couples need to decide together the family planning methods, number of children and child care arrangements. Engaged couples need to learn to appreciate each other, affirm each other's strengths and accept each other's shortcomings.

Episode 7: “Can I have Love Again?”

People who have experienced emotional trauma are afraid of being hurt again, have doubts about intimate relationships, and are anxious about being fully committed, which makes them distant in expressing emotions. People who have remarried need to adjust their expectations for their current partners, accept them and avoid comparing them to their previous partners.

Episode 8 “Can’t Let Go”

Engaged couples should reduce their emotional attachment to their family origin and establish a new dependent relationship with their partner. When children who grow up in single-parent families prepare to get married, it is easy for them to feel guilty and reluctant to leave their parents, and even blame themselves for leaving their parents behind. Because of this feeling of guilt, the needs of the family origin are sometimes given priority, making the spouse feel unappreciated. Engaged couples should openly share their concerns and feelings about leaving their family of origin, be considerate of each other, and help each other adapt to the change.

Episode 9: “To Win at the Starting Line?”

The reason why most couples have "saws" of opinions is that their deepest concerns/worries are not clearly expressed to each other, so they often go around on the surface of the issue and cannot reach a consensus. Engaged couples need to learn to listen to each other and share their opinions and feelings, narrow down differences and find common concerns. Each must learn to examine the situation from different angles, accept different opinions, and achieve "harmony with difference" with others.